First Snow

Our first snow started falling right before dawn. I know because I awoke shivering. They gave out wool blankets, but mine has holes. I won’t tell Captain. It’s dumb, really. The boys forget I can transfer to a coat of fur if I want. I’m probably the warmest here. Last night I was too tired to think of transforming. I shivered awake, hearing the breeze run like blades through the air, cutting through any crevice in the wall. It whistled through the pines, announcing the storm’s presence.

I crept to the window. When I wiped the fog from the glass, I could see the white snow sticking, glowing white against the black night. I found myself giggle. It never fails. No matter how old I get, I still feel like when I was four. We had a really hard storm that year. But, when everything settled and fluff carpeted the land, my dad took me out back. I whined the entire hike into the valley. But then, he took me to a large hill. I remember it towering high above me, although I don’t think it was very tall. At the top, he laid down a wooden board with a metal handle at the front. I remember staring at him, sure he had finally lost his senses. Other kids talked about their parents losing their minds in the winter.

But then he sat down, ordered me on his lap, and pushed off. The ice nipped at my cheeks as the air rushed past us. My hair flew in his face, but he just laughed as we slid down the hill. My stomach dipped inside my chest, sending a rush through my veins. I forgot about the cold. I forgot about how wet the hike made my boots. I just lived in the movement. We came to an easy stop and, for a second, I could still feel the air against my cheeks, the excitement in my veins. When it subsided, I turned to him and asked if we could go again. And again. It was such fun.

This snowfall didn’t turn into fun. Captain insisted we keep to the schedule. I was fine with the routine, except the wind was not festive. It was brutal, cutting at me, chilling my bones. I was sure my nose or fingers would snap off if hit. And, of course, snow balls would fly from nowhere and smack me in the neck. I wasn’t the only victim of the assault. When the captain saw the culprit, he would send them on laps around the practice filed, but he didn’t see everyone. Then, Clieto showed mercy and sent a blizzard. Captain finally gave up and let us back inside.

I curled under the blanket, my body radiating heat against my fur. I sat and remembered the sleigh ride.  If I closed my eyes hard enough, I could see myself there. I could feel the wind against my cheeks and remember the freedom of the ride.

No one, Nowhere

I spent the day in a cage. Captain seemed to differ in opinion, calling it a punishment zone, but it had bars and a lock at the gate. When he asked what I was thinking, I just stared at the brown straps of his sandals and shrugged. I don’t know what happened. I guess it started two nights ago. I was sitting behind the cafeteria with Xeno. He had saved a piece of bread the kitchen staff had made that morning. It was so sweet, melting on the tongue. I smeared butter and blackberry jelly on the top and savored the riches. He brought the subject of how stupid the boys’ macho behavior was. All I did was agree with him. I mentioned how they thought they were the best soldiers ever and how I could beat them all. He said I was just like them. Me! Just like them? I told him no way. We argued, then he grabbed the bread and ground it into the dirt. The jelly muddied, oozing all over the ground, so I called him a son of Cerberus and shoved him into the mess.

The next day I fell on the obstacle courses’ wall. I’d climbed it countless times, but this time my foot slipped, slamming my shoulder against the wood. I lost my grip, skid down the face, and landed on my back, the ground shoving all air out of my chest. The boys laughed and snickered at me for the rest of the day. I just wanted to escape for only a few minutes. But I just kept walking. Helios traveled close to the horizon when the trees parted. There, in front of me stood the ocean. The white capped waves crashed onto rock and sand, misting the air. The water stretched into the horizon, like it never ended. I wanted to jump in, to swim as far as I could.

Instead, I transformed. I let the sand brush in-between my nails, caressing the pads of my paws. I let the breeze brush over the sea, caressing my muzzle as it traveled inland. I sat, watching Helios set the ocean surface on fire in its descent, listening to the birds soaring above me. It was like another world. I closed my eyes and no longer felt Atlantis. I no longer felt a curse, whether that be some part of me, whose actions I pay for every day. I felt detached from the world. I felt alive.

I swear I would have returned. Really, I would have. I didn’t have the chance to leave. Apparently they have a guard who patrols the coastline. He strapped a rope around my neck. I can still feel the twine digging into my neck, pulling my hair, as he dragged me into the wagon. I returned to the camp in a wagon, just the way I had entered. But, for a brief moment, I was no one nowhere. The cage is worth remembering that feeling.

Camping to Survive

We went on a camping trip. Well, Captain called it a survival expedition, which is dramatic. Maybe if he had waited until it snowed. I can smell the flakes in the breeze. He would only have to wait a week at most, I think. Anyway, he said we had to learn what it meant to survive outside in the elements, with limited rations. He said that would best prepare us for war when rations run low. We grouped into teams of five. I think my team had planned all along to ditch me. They’re stupid. I’m part wolf. When they maneuvered too quick, got me distracted, and I lost sight of them, I’d just stand tall, nose in the air. I closed my eyes and sifted through the breeze. Chipmunks dominate the air with their nutty dust stink. The pines add crisp sweetness. But I do prefer the chipmunks to some of the bigger game that roamed the mountains back at home. I remember there was one day I couldn’t distinguish the scent, just that it was an animal. It had an iron scent, blood, to the dust and sweat. But there was also a fishy mix to it all; like it rolled on top of fish bodies and then went swimming. When I found the black bear, face to face, I froze. Anyway, he must have just eaten because he just looked at me, snorted, and then sauntered over the hill.

Even though the scent is stronger in wolf form, all I really need is two seconds with someone to pick up their distinct smell. Humans have a signature behind their glands more than any other. Some are sweater, one smelled almost like cinnamon apples behind their sweat. These boys were no different. One boy kind of smells like bark. I would swear his father was an oak tree if I still believed in fairy tales. I found them within seconds, even without having to transform. After about four times of this, they stopped trying to ditch me.

 

After twelve hours they found a use for me. I made the mistake of bringing a chipmunk to them. They asked me if there was anything bigger. So I found a rabbit. Hunting is always weird. The wolf voice speaks to me, narrows my view until all I see is the prey. Even the chase pumps through my veins, thrilling me. But my human voice never goes away. It rationalizes with me. It tells me this is weird behavior for a ten year old girl. But they boys really enjoyed it. So, for the four days we were out, I had hunting duty while they split the other chores. When we arrived back at camp, we looked refreshed and satisfied compared to the others. They headed straight for the cafeteria, looking like they had lost five pounds. 

 

I liked camping. I know tomorrow they boys will go back to ignoring me. But at least for a few days I felt wanted.